The last 2 days were like those spent in a boot camp with hard labor. While I have been churning out presentations on action plans on seemingly path-breaking ideas, I have little hope that any of it will ever see the light of the day. I have been thinking hard on why my interest in what I do has waned to such abysmal levels.
Looking back I realized that this was mainly because most of the initiatives initially started with a lot of enthusiasm and support from the stake holders. Once the idea is germinated, I am assigned with the task of developing these ideas into operational tasks with defined goals and timelines get the final output that we intend to get out of the idea. I then chart out the action plan and start the implementation. As the time the implementation nears completion; the stakeholders make a complete u-turn on the plan or become a bottleneck themselves and deny a meaningful closure to the initiative. It’s very difficult to maintain your motivation to perform when you do not see an output for your time and effort as it robs you off the sense of achievement.
I guess the only way to keep yourself going in such situations is to change your point of reference to which you associate your achievement. Rather that weighing the achievement on the output, one must be contempt with fact that you done your part of the plan with a closure on all your activities and that by itself is an achievement.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
The devils of 'Procrastination'
Monday was a drag. I slept over the work I had shoved under the carpet on Friday meaning to finish them at leisure during the weekend. I had planned to wake up early and finish it off by Monday morning. As the Monday dawn started breaking in, I felt like I wasn’t prepared to face it just yet. I couldn’t get myself to believe that the weekend was over and the weekly drudgery had started. It was not that I wanted to turn back the clock; I just didn’t want to get back into the herd just yet. I was reeling under the anguish and despair on facing one whole week again. Then the rain gods shined upon me with their incessant showers bringing in hope that I’ll be stuck home after all. So what if the drainage systems in Chennai have improved and flooding has reduced drastically. I can’t take that risk. I snuggled back into my blanket and kept myself online just to make sure there weren’t going to be any nasty surprises coming in from work. Rage of Angels (Sidney Shelton) had kept me pinned in that position and by the time I got out I realized that I had skipped breakfast and lunch.
Though I hated to be under the pressure of a tight deadline, I seemed to be most productive during these instances. I dealt with my pilled up office work early next morning, at least enough to cover my ass from immediate fire. I have been doing this right from my school days. I keep postponing all the homework, assignments, and exam preparation until the last moment. I dive in only when alarm bells start ringing when it dawns to me that not much time is left. I get angry at myself for not starting the work earlier and start performing with a vengeance. So, though I finish my tasks, the accomplishment always comes with a pinch of salt that I could have done better had I started earlier with the same vigor. Back to work now…
Though I hated to be under the pressure of a tight deadline, I seemed to be most productive during these instances. I dealt with my pilled up office work early next morning, at least enough to cover my ass from immediate fire. I have been doing this right from my school days. I keep postponing all the homework, assignments, and exam preparation until the last moment. I dive in only when alarm bells start ringing when it dawns to me that not much time is left. I get angry at myself for not starting the work earlier and start performing with a vengeance. So, though I finish my tasks, the accomplishment always comes with a pinch of salt that I could have done better had I started earlier with the same vigor. Back to work now…
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Love thy neighbors???!!!!
The rains were one the last things that dampened my spirits this weekend. I had got 2 sms’s within a span of 2 hours from my landlord, one to vacate the house and the later an apology sms dismissing the whole issue. The issue was that my neighbors complained of mental trauma due to the sight of spotting women entering my house at various instances.
All my neighbor’s scopes are focused on my house. Being bachelors makes us exciting subjects to train their eyes and ears on. Again what are they mad about? Women don’t come about in revealing clothes to tempt their desperate husbands, they haven’t witnessed any public display of affection which can scar their children’s minds more than what they see on TV, nor have they heard anything sounding lurid coming out of my house even if they stick their ears to my wall. All they see is women enter and leave, which makes their imagination go wild with possibilities. Again the possibility that we might just be having a simple conversation is too uninteresting for their perverted minds. Now that they haven’t seen or heard anything, they also put their creative minds to their best use and conjure wild imaginations of orgies and other fantasies that they feel bachelors indulge in the very instant a woman enters their house. Though they haven’t actually witnessed anything, they feel that they have been traumatized due to all the imaginations that creep within them. I live with a male roommate and guys visit my house too. Thank god the possibility of homosexuality is not exciting enough for them. I am not sure if they at least spared my old maid out of this. Even if I was making out with a woman inside my house, how are they getting affected by it? Are they to decide who I should be friends with and what goes on with my life?
What if I were to flip the same accusations on them? Does being married give them immunity to lust and desire? Why can’t we assume that these married wives and husbands are individually fornicating with every person they let inside their house? Or getting guests to join in their act? Even if they are doing one or all of the above, why should it bother me as long as my privacy and dignity are not getting affected? If they feel outraged they should understand that an ‘single’ man would feel no different.
Makes me feel like I am living around a bunch of Talibans where a person’s right to live his or her life is not in their hands but in the hands of a group of barbaric clerics. People need to grow up…
All my neighbor’s scopes are focused on my house. Being bachelors makes us exciting subjects to train their eyes and ears on. Again what are they mad about? Women don’t come about in revealing clothes to tempt their desperate husbands, they haven’t witnessed any public display of affection which can scar their children’s minds more than what they see on TV, nor have they heard anything sounding lurid coming out of my house even if they stick their ears to my wall. All they see is women enter and leave, which makes their imagination go wild with possibilities. Again the possibility that we might just be having a simple conversation is too uninteresting for their perverted minds. Now that they haven’t seen or heard anything, they also put their creative minds to their best use and conjure wild imaginations of orgies and other fantasies that they feel bachelors indulge in the very instant a woman enters their house. Though they haven’t actually witnessed anything, they feel that they have been traumatized due to all the imaginations that creep within them. I live with a male roommate and guys visit my house too. Thank god the possibility of homosexuality is not exciting enough for them. I am not sure if they at least spared my old maid out of this. Even if I was making out with a woman inside my house, how are they getting affected by it? Are they to decide who I should be friends with and what goes on with my life?
What if I were to flip the same accusations on them? Does being married give them immunity to lust and desire? Why can’t we assume that these married wives and husbands are individually fornicating with every person they let inside their house? Or getting guests to join in their act? Even if they are doing one or all of the above, why should it bother me as long as my privacy and dignity are not getting affected? If they feel outraged they should understand that an ‘single’ man would feel no different.
Makes me feel like I am living around a bunch of Talibans where a person’s right to live his or her life is not in their hands but in the hands of a group of barbaric clerics. People need to grow up…
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Inglorious Basterds
I successfully completed 21 entries as planned in this space and broke the routine yesterday due to Inglorious Basterds.
This 2 and a half hour Quentin flick has the Nazi occupation of France as a backdrop. The scenes were brilliantly taken. The movie had those characteristic lengthy dialogues which were delivered with an uneasy calm during an extremely tense situation that always kept you at the edge of your seat. The composure of the character during an extremely volatile situation depicts the dementedness that resides within. I couldn’t digest the ending as it thoroughly digresses from the actual sequence of events in history. It has left me with an uncomfortable feeling like an unreachable itch. All the while I was not expecting something so very different from what has been written in our history books. I guess that’s the feeling that Tarentino wanted us to leave with. Not with a feeling of completeness but with that of intriguing bewilderment.
As it usually happens with most of his flicks, I need to watch this movie again to really understand the story of these basterds.
This 2 and a half hour Quentin flick has the Nazi occupation of France as a backdrop. The scenes were brilliantly taken. The movie had those characteristic lengthy dialogues which were delivered with an uneasy calm during an extremely tense situation that always kept you at the edge of your seat. The composure of the character during an extremely volatile situation depicts the dementedness that resides within. I couldn’t digest the ending as it thoroughly digresses from the actual sequence of events in history. It has left me with an uncomfortable feeling like an unreachable itch. All the while I was not expecting something so very different from what has been written in our history books. I guess that’s the feeling that Tarentino wanted us to leave with. Not with a feeling of completeness but with that of intriguing bewilderment.
As it usually happens with most of his flicks, I need to watch this movie again to really understand the story of these basterds.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Progeny
Looking at my parents, it seems like they have handled the different facets of their lives very smoothly. Their work, marriage, upbringing of 2 children and finally helping them chart their own lives; everything seems to be flawless. This makes me wonder what is it that motivates a person to promote their gene pool to the next generation. Though the offspring carries his/her genes, it’s not them. It is another being which will eventually go farther from their lives and makes its own roadmap.
It’s the love that you have for the other person that makes all the troubles of bearing and raising children worthwhile. Children in a way are souvenirs that 2 individual leave as a symbol of their wish to stay together. It’s just like wanting to make something with more or less equal contributions from both parties. As this new creation is a symbol of their wish to stay together, the 2 individuals selflessly pool in all their energies for the well being of their new creation. They relate the well being of their new creation to be directly proportional to success of their initial decision of being committed to each other. Now, even if one person leaves the company of the other, they can always look back at the well being of their creation which will remind themselves of their cherished moments when they had made a commitment to stay together. Thus nurturing ones children is not something I consider as an entirely selfless act. You just want to show that you as a pair are perfect because your child is perfect.
It’s the love that you have for the other person that makes all the troubles of bearing and raising children worthwhile. Children in a way are souvenirs that 2 individual leave as a symbol of their wish to stay together. It’s just like wanting to make something with more or less equal contributions from both parties. As this new creation is a symbol of their wish to stay together, the 2 individuals selflessly pool in all their energies for the well being of their new creation. They relate the well being of their new creation to be directly proportional to success of their initial decision of being committed to each other. Now, even if one person leaves the company of the other, they can always look back at the well being of their creation which will remind themselves of their cherished moments when they had made a commitment to stay together. Thus nurturing ones children is not something I consider as an entirely selfless act. You just want to show that you as a pair are perfect because your child is perfect.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Released off the book’s clutches
I managed to complete a book by Jeffery Archer called Kane & Abel within 4-5 days which is quiet an achievement as I usually take an average of 1-2 weeks to complete a novel. The book was engaging enough keep me hooked throughout the weekend. I even sneaked the book into my office to complete as much as possible and read the last page by late evening yesterday.
Though a little sad that the story had come to an end, I was very much relieved that I was finally out of the clutches of the book. The novel had completely taken over my time with little time left for anything else. Though I had gone to Chetan’s place for the weekend to spend some time with my nephew, I spent far less time than I intended too. The guitar sessions too had to take a back seat. In fact I didn’t realize that it’s been about 2 days since I called up my folks.
Though Mr. Archer had done a commendable job with the novel, I always had this problem with most of the novels I read. The moment I start reading I get so lost in it that nothing else matters any more. The second I open the book, I imagine myself living as a silent witness to the sequence of events narrated in the novel. Much to the displeasure of everybody surrounding me, I become oblivious to their presence and squeeze in as much time as possible with the novel. My pathetic reading speed doesn’t help either. I always thought that was mainly because of the way I attempt to visualize the novel. As I read each line, I try to imagine every piece of detail and more as narrated in the book and try and make a mental movie of it. But then, I came to realize that that’s what most of the people do and its just that I tend to take too many mental retakes by reading the same lines over and over again. Unfortunately I didn’t seem to show the same interest with any of my academic books, but then they weren’t authored by Stephen King or Archer either.
I have a Sidney Sheldon in a cupboard but I dare not open it now. Need to survive the real world first and may be give in to the realm of imagination during the coming weekend and pray it shouldn’t spill over to the next Monday.
Though a little sad that the story had come to an end, I was very much relieved that I was finally out of the clutches of the book. The novel had completely taken over my time with little time left for anything else. Though I had gone to Chetan’s place for the weekend to spend some time with my nephew, I spent far less time than I intended too. The guitar sessions too had to take a back seat. In fact I didn’t realize that it’s been about 2 days since I called up my folks.
Though Mr. Archer had done a commendable job with the novel, I always had this problem with most of the novels I read. The moment I start reading I get so lost in it that nothing else matters any more. The second I open the book, I imagine myself living as a silent witness to the sequence of events narrated in the novel. Much to the displeasure of everybody surrounding me, I become oblivious to their presence and squeeze in as much time as possible with the novel. My pathetic reading speed doesn’t help either. I always thought that was mainly because of the way I attempt to visualize the novel. As I read each line, I try to imagine every piece of detail and more as narrated in the book and try and make a mental movie of it. But then, I came to realize that that’s what most of the people do and its just that I tend to take too many mental retakes by reading the same lines over and over again. Unfortunately I didn’t seem to show the same interest with any of my academic books, but then they weren’t authored by Stephen King or Archer either.
I have a Sidney Sheldon in a cupboard but I dare not open it now. Need to survive the real world first and may be give in to the realm of imagination during the coming weekend and pray it shouldn’t spill over to the next Monday.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Lazy Monday
The weekend has been so chilled out, it’s really sad that I have to drag myself to office today. I think the lazy cold weather also needs to be blamed for putting up so much resistance to get the work. The remuneration and present job roles are not very encouraging either. I rather spend the whole day under the blanket reading a novel munching popcorn. I have been thinking about planning a trip to the north for a long time, this should be the ideal month for it.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Winters
Winter seems to have set in. But alas, winter in Chennai only means more rains and cloudy afternoons. It is still and will always be far too hot for woolens. The cold mornings and nights during my stay in Bangalore trip were reminiscent of the winters in Noida and Delhi. I miss those Delhi winters where you need to cover yourself with 2 sweaters and tuck yourself deep inside fat comfy razai’s to escape the icy chill. Unlike tropical Chennai, where you can survive with cotton throughout the year, one can notice a marked difference in the apparel and fabric worn. The T-shirts and shirts are covered with fluffy sweaters or thick woolen coats. Everyone right from the janitor walks around in leather shoes or snickers. Everybody seemed to be well dressed. Groundnut and egg stalls prop up in street corners at night. Gulping down a piping hot boiled egg covered with a dash of salt, chilli and pepper seemed just what was needed to brave the biting cold.
For now, I need to content myself with the fact that I use my cotton blanket not just to cover myself from menacing mosquitoes but also to get some warmth from the mildly cold morning breeze due to the showers.
For now, I need to content myself with the fact that I use my cotton blanket not just to cover myself from menacing mosquitoes but also to get some warmth from the mildly cold morning breeze due to the showers.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Some useless jabber on a rainy morning
The skies have started leaking. Though the showers have been considerate enough to lash out exactly when I am in the warm confines of my office or home, I am sure that one of these days I am going to be soaked to my undies.
I have had fun with the monsoon when I prepared myself for it, which means I don’t have to worry about reaching someplace or getting wet. There were days then I just take my bike out for a ride to feel the water from the skies pierce into my face or lie down on the terrace for a heavenly acupuncture massage by the rain drops.
It’s very amusing to visualize the journey of each droplet starting from the water molecules being extracted from underground, consumed and excreted, travel through sewers mix with the sea, get picked by the sun, soar into the sky and join the clouds, then jump back to earth and splashing right on my face. Coming to think of it,if we visualize ourselves as the eyes of the droplet, the saga of the droplet is fit enough to be filmed as an epic movie. What an idea sirji.. :D
I have had fun with the monsoon when I prepared myself for it, which means I don’t have to worry about reaching someplace or getting wet. There were days then I just take my bike out for a ride to feel the water from the skies pierce into my face or lie down on the terrace for a heavenly acupuncture massage by the rain drops.
It’s very amusing to visualize the journey of each droplet starting from the water molecules being extracted from underground, consumed and excreted, travel through sewers mix with the sea, get picked by the sun, soar into the sky and join the clouds, then jump back to earth and splashing right on my face. Coming to think of it,if we visualize ourselves as the eyes of the droplet, the saga of the droplet is fit enough to be filmed as an epic movie. What an idea sirji.. :D
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Arranged debacles
I really can’t understand the arranged marriage concept. I do not understand how two people can decide to be together with just a couple of meetings. I have gone through the routine myself and I am still not able to get the hang of it. Even after the meetings I am simply not sure if this is the one. How does that happen? What are the areas that you can and cannot compromise on? How can you be sure that you’ll be attracted to her later if you don’t feel that way now? The problem is you can’t keep the others hanging about your decision. They cannot accept the fact the there is a grey area between Yes and No. For example, “I think I am fine with her right now, but I am not too sure if she is the one for me.” These kinds of statements are scorned upon by the elders. They don’t understand that you’ll need sometime to actually figure out if this is the right thing for you. It might also seem unfair to keep the folks of the girl’s side hanging for so long. I have hurt a few due to my actions. Though guilty of causing disappointment, I am glad that they and I are relieved of the pain as early as possible than carrying it on for the rest of our lives.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Our animal side
Why is it that male actors get paid more than their female counterparts? The reasons that immediately pop in are that the male actor plays a dominant role in the movie and that the general public usually prefers a male centric movie.
Ideally, the public includes both men and women, in equal proportions. This means in general both men and women want the male actor to have a more dominant role and hence the higher pay.
Hence we can either infer that the majority of the movie goers are men which, I don’t think is true or that women want the men to have an upper over them.
If we have to find out why women like to be lead, we need to look at our pre historic ancestor’s lifestyle. Both men and women hunt together. The man mates with the women and she gets pregnant. This makes her very ineffective as a hunter; hence she depends on her male counterpart for her survival. While the female is submissive to the male and needs his support, the male can survive by himself and only needs the female to mate. This way both male and female wanted the male to have a more important role in society. But as we started evolving, women started becoming more and more independent. They are no longer required to hunt and were very much capable surviving themselves.
However, though the women have evolved into being far more independent, there seems to be a lag in the evolution their preference in watching a female take the lead in a movie. It’s the women who are responsible for the lower reimbursement of the female actors as they themselves do not want to see women taking center stage. The movies seem to be catering to the inherent animalistic need of a woman to be lead, to let the man take control of her. It’s the same with sports, women and both like to see men play and hence more pay for the male sportsman compared to women.
The only abrasion to this phenomenon is in the fashion industry. Female models are paid more than their male counterparts. Again the fashion industry is still catering to our prehistoric or animalistic need of viewing a woman as a trophy. Here somehow both women and men prefer women sizzle the ramp.
It also makes me think of the male and female psychology. Going back in time again, men didn’t mind or rather preferred teaming up with other men to increase their chances of survival. A woman would not prefer the same because the presence of another woman means she will have to compete with her to get the best man to mate with her and ensure that her genes are jelled with best and thus increasing the chances of the survival of her genes in the subsequent generation. Another woman reduces her choice of men. She doesn’t need the woman for her survival in the presence of a male. This means, as we still have our animal instincts alive in us, a group of men or a group of men and one woman would make a more effective team than a group of women.
How much ever humane, we still want to keep alive the animal in us.grrrr groowlll:)
Ideally, the public includes both men and women, in equal proportions. This means in general both men and women want the male actor to have a more dominant role and hence the higher pay.
Hence we can either infer that the majority of the movie goers are men which, I don’t think is true or that women want the men to have an upper over them.
If we have to find out why women like to be lead, we need to look at our pre historic ancestor’s lifestyle. Both men and women hunt together. The man mates with the women and she gets pregnant. This makes her very ineffective as a hunter; hence she depends on her male counterpart for her survival. While the female is submissive to the male and needs his support, the male can survive by himself and only needs the female to mate. This way both male and female wanted the male to have a more important role in society. But as we started evolving, women started becoming more and more independent. They are no longer required to hunt and were very much capable surviving themselves.
However, though the women have evolved into being far more independent, there seems to be a lag in the evolution their preference in watching a female take the lead in a movie. It’s the women who are responsible for the lower reimbursement of the female actors as they themselves do not want to see women taking center stage. The movies seem to be catering to the inherent animalistic need of a woman to be lead, to let the man take control of her. It’s the same with sports, women and both like to see men play and hence more pay for the male sportsman compared to women.
The only abrasion to this phenomenon is in the fashion industry. Female models are paid more than their male counterparts. Again the fashion industry is still catering to our prehistoric or animalistic need of viewing a woman as a trophy. Here somehow both women and men prefer women sizzle the ramp.
It also makes me think of the male and female psychology. Going back in time again, men didn’t mind or rather preferred teaming up with other men to increase their chances of survival. A woman would not prefer the same because the presence of another woman means she will have to compete with her to get the best man to mate with her and ensure that her genes are jelled with best and thus increasing the chances of the survival of her genes in the subsequent generation. Another woman reduces her choice of men. She doesn’t need the woman for her survival in the presence of a male. This means, as we still have our animal instincts alive in us, a group of men or a group of men and one woman would make a more effective team than a group of women.
How much ever humane, we still want to keep alive the animal in us.grrrr groowlll:)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Dealing with the perfectionist
Being ambitious or a perfectionist puts a lot strain into a relationship. Its detrimental to the person they are with as they’ll be bogged down with the pressure of not being able to be match up with the expectation that is being imposed on them due to the flawlessness displayed by the purist.
A partner would prefer the other to have some flaws so that he/she can be content of being better in that area or be happy with the fact that they have an opportunity to take the credit of reducing their partner’s short comings. Sometimes they would not exactly prefer or expect the other to improve beyond their level, rather show improvement which puts their partner at par or lightly lesser than them so that they still hold the title of being masters in that area.
A perfectionist will want his or her partner to improve in some areas to measure up to his/her own stature. This causes a not of stress for the partner if he/she isn’t really focused on that area and is unwillingly pulled into it. It makes the partner feel miserable because they feel that they are not good enough. It demoralizes and severely diminishes the feeling of self worth of that person.
There are mainly two ways by which a person tries to deal with a obsessive partner.
1. Not trying to compete in that area at all.
2. Positioning the area that the partner is good at as vain, trivial and not worth the effort.
Each has its on side effects on both the perfectionist and the partner. The first method disappoints the perfectionist that he/she is unable to inspire his/her partner to match up to his/her expectations. The partner might take a hit on his/her own self-esteem as he/she might feel that they are being looked down upon by others.
The second method if successful causes a steep drop in the feeling of self worth in the minds of the perfectionist. He/she tries to mask his/her superiority in that area and plays down any attempt to showcase his/her supremacy with regards to that area
This is what I think the purist and his/her partner needs to do…
The perfectionist needs to accept his/her partner for what he/she is and not try to impose their ideals. He/she must learn to appreciate difference in the thought process of their partner which will help widen the range of his/her own perspective.
The partner of the perfectionist needs to learn to appreciate the qualities of the perfectionist and not try to trivialize his/her qualities. Rather than seeing their superiority in a particular area as being detrimental to his/her own self worth, it should be seen as a wonderful opportunity to get to get inspired and upgrade themselves to become better individuals.
Another way they deal with your superior aptitude in a particular area is by not trying to compete in that area at all.
A partner would prefer the other to have some flaws so that he/she can be content of being better in that area or be happy with the fact that they have an opportunity to take the credit of reducing their partner’s short comings. Sometimes they would not exactly prefer or expect the other to improve beyond their level, rather show improvement which puts their partner at par or lightly lesser than them so that they still hold the title of being masters in that area.
A perfectionist will want his or her partner to improve in some areas to measure up to his/her own stature. This causes a not of stress for the partner if he/she isn’t really focused on that area and is unwillingly pulled into it. It makes the partner feel miserable because they feel that they are not good enough. It demoralizes and severely diminishes the feeling of self worth of that person.
There are mainly two ways by which a person tries to deal with a obsessive partner.
1. Not trying to compete in that area at all.
2. Positioning the area that the partner is good at as vain, trivial and not worth the effort.
Each has its on side effects on both the perfectionist and the partner. The first method disappoints the perfectionist that he/she is unable to inspire his/her partner to match up to his/her expectations. The partner might take a hit on his/her own self-esteem as he/she might feel that they are being looked down upon by others.
The second method if successful causes a steep drop in the feeling of self worth in the minds of the perfectionist. He/she tries to mask his/her superiority in that area and plays down any attempt to showcase his/her supremacy with regards to that area
This is what I think the purist and his/her partner needs to do…
The perfectionist needs to accept his/her partner for what he/she is and not try to impose their ideals. He/she must learn to appreciate difference in the thought process of their partner which will help widen the range of his/her own perspective.
The partner of the perfectionist needs to learn to appreciate the qualities of the perfectionist and not try to trivialize his/her qualities. Rather than seeing their superiority in a particular area as being detrimental to his/her own self worth, it should be seen as a wonderful opportunity to get to get inspired and upgrade themselves to become better individuals.
Another way they deal with your superior aptitude in a particular area is by not trying to compete in that area at all.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
This entry is too dry to derserve a title
My laptop conked off while I was describing why Diwali has been unique this time and my travel back to Chennai alone in Achan’s 800.
I am beginning to get nervous about my migration plans. The prospect of landing in a foreign land and then looking out for a job is becoming scarier by the day, but I still have a feeling that everything will work out just fine.
My thoughts aren’t structured towards anything in particular. Everything in my mind is hovering around with none of them descending low enough to grab on and deep dive into. The intention of creating this blog was to express my thoughts but it’s turning out into a ‘what I have been doing today’ log. May be I am just a drifter today.
I am beginning to get nervous about my migration plans. The prospect of landing in a foreign land and then looking out for a job is becoming scarier by the day, but I still have a feeling that everything will work out just fine.
My thoughts aren’t structured towards anything in particular. Everything in my mind is hovering around with none of them descending low enough to grab on and deep dive into. The intention of creating this blog was to express my thoughts but it’s turning out into a ‘what I have been doing today’ log. May be I am just a drifter today.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Diwali weekend
I have been in Pondy for the last 2 days, celebrating Diwali with my parents. I thought I’d rather be with Achan and Amma for the festival than be with my brother now that Chetan and Chechi have their own son to celebrate this festive occasion with.
Though not very kicked about spending money on crackers, I bought a Diwali set anyways to go with the routine. Amma surprised everybody by stepping in first and bursting crackers for the first time in her life. She was no longer afraid of them irrespective of their size or the number of crackers attached to one wick, she burst them all exuding the confidence of a veteran. There was no one around to join us in lighting up the other sparklers and other fireworks, so Amma and I did the honors. Being just two of us, the activity soon became more of a chore which we wanted just get over with. The festive day also brought in some more ‘1st time’ landmarks for Chetan and Chechi. Arav seemed to have rolled over for the 1st time and has now learned to laugh.
Diwali has been my most favorite festival right from my childhood due to the excitement it brings in. Even now when we all are aware the pollution that fireworks cause, I still cannot resist the urge to lit up some ‘Atom bombs’. Diwali will seem incomplete if there are no shreds of paper covering your front porch and the lingering smell of burn gun powder in the air.
These two days were lit with exclusive family moments making this Diwali both unique and joyful.
Though not very kicked about spending money on crackers, I bought a Diwali set anyways to go with the routine. Amma surprised everybody by stepping in first and bursting crackers for the first time in her life. She was no longer afraid of them irrespective of their size or the number of crackers attached to one wick, she burst them all exuding the confidence of a veteran. There was no one around to join us in lighting up the other sparklers and other fireworks, so Amma and I did the honors. Being just two of us, the activity soon became more of a chore which we wanted just get over with. The festive day also brought in some more ‘1st time’ landmarks for Chetan and Chechi. Arav seemed to have rolled over for the 1st time and has now learned to laugh.
Diwali has been my most favorite festival right from my childhood due to the excitement it brings in. Even now when we all are aware the pollution that fireworks cause, I still cannot resist the urge to lit up some ‘Atom bombs’. Diwali will seem incomplete if there are no shreds of paper covering your front porch and the lingering smell of burn gun powder in the air.
These two days were lit with exclusive family moments making this Diwali both unique and joyful.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Snapped my 1st guitar string
One of the strings of my guitar (the 1st one, thinnest) snapped while I was practicing last night. As I was adjusting the knob of the string to set the right note, it snapped and lashed across my strumming fingers causing a sharp pain to shot across my index finger which promised me that bleeding would follow. But, at last there was no bleeding just pain.
The sting throbbed through my finger combined with the psychological sting of having lost a string. Though I have been playing it regularly, this occurrence was beyond my comprehension. However, I couldn’t ignore the faint but clear self appreciation within me which said I practiced so diligently that I broke on off one of the strings. The guitar is barely 2 weeks old. I never thought I’ll have to deal any repairs for at least the next 3 months. It starkly reminded me of the mortality of life and everything around us. While the fact that nothing is forever might sound too harsh, it shouldn’t be ignored or dishearten us. We should take that as an opportunity to explore new things. If we were stuck with the same thing, we would have never known other opportunities that existed. Rather than sulking on the fact that we lost something, we must realize that we have been given an opportunity to explore new things. Pushing us out of our comfort zone will be hard on us, but it presents itself as a chance to break our shackles and explore.
I have been wanting to by a plectrum, but I have been postponing this because of my laziness to figure out the location of the music shops around my area. This broken string will force me to get up and find out. Look at a good part… This way I get to figure out the location of my nearest shop, buy my plectrum and repair my guitar. Perfect.
The sting throbbed through my finger combined with the psychological sting of having lost a string. Though I have been playing it regularly, this occurrence was beyond my comprehension. However, I couldn’t ignore the faint but clear self appreciation within me which said I practiced so diligently that I broke on off one of the strings. The guitar is barely 2 weeks old. I never thought I’ll have to deal any repairs for at least the next 3 months. It starkly reminded me of the mortality of life and everything around us. While the fact that nothing is forever might sound too harsh, it shouldn’t be ignored or dishearten us. We should take that as an opportunity to explore new things. If we were stuck with the same thing, we would have never known other opportunities that existed. Rather than sulking on the fact that we lost something, we must realize that we have been given an opportunity to explore new things. Pushing us out of our comfort zone will be hard on us, but it presents itself as a chance to break our shackles and explore.
I have been wanting to by a plectrum, but I have been postponing this because of my laziness to figure out the location of the music shops around my area. This broken string will force me to get up and find out. Look at a good part… This way I get to figure out the location of my nearest shop, buy my plectrum and repair my guitar. Perfect.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Dealing with the dragon
(Before somebody decides to sue me...the facts and figures given here might not be entirely true and I might have got some of them wrong; however, these are my personal views and nothing more.)
I was deeply shocked by the statement that the Chinese government had issued in response to our Prime Minister’s visit to Arunachal Pradesh. They seem to be deeply disturbed by the fact that a senior government official is visiting an area which they claim is theirs. They call it ‘disputed area’.
Arunachal Pradesh has always been an integral part of India. The turnout of 71% during the elections emphasizes the fact that the people living there think so too. China has no business there. They already seem to have some parts of Kashmir, some after Indo-China war and some were apparently gifted by Pakistan. How can somebody gift anything to someone which does not actually belong to them is beyond my comprehension, but for now I am not going to get into the Kashmir issue.
Our skirmishes with China have not been very successful. In fact we have never won a war with China. The key reason to why we lost the 1st war is generally attributed to our lack of readiness and sophistication to fight at such altitudes. Even today, China is far more superior to India militarily both in terms of quantity and quality. Our chief Air Marshal had openly stated that the capability of the Indian Air Force is far less compared to their Chinese counterparts. The Chinese are not only formidable in terms of their military but also made themselves a force to recon with in the world’s economic affairs. They are the holders of the highest amount of US dollars as ForEx reserves. While India seems to be grappling to meet the deadlines of the Common Wealth Games, China hosted the Olympic Games and left the whole world awestruck admiring the opulence they displayed. China now seems to be aggressively encroaching into the IT outsourcing business that we Indians so closely hold to our hearts.
I browsed a little on the logic behind China’s claim on Arunachal Pradesh. During the pre colonization era, the land was primarily a part of the Tibetan kingdom and some of it was with Bhutan. However, it had strong associations with the then fragmented India. This land seems to have been mentioned even in the scriptures of Maha Bharat.
After the British colonized India and united them, Arunachal Pradesh was kept as a part of India. China considers Tibet a part of their country. So as Arunachal Pradesh was pre historically a part to Tibet they do not honor the British boundaries drawn between India and China. China and India went to war over this land briefly during which China had taken over our state, but after negotiations China ceded most part of the occupied land back to India.
Recently I had read this article about the views of a man considered a Chinese Think Tank. He proposed that China should instigate religious violence between Indians and create political instability by funding naxalites and other political extremists to destabilize and fragment the country so as to establish Chinese dominance over India.
China has strong political and economic ties with Pakistan. Now they are expanding their sphere of influence to Srilanka. Most of the weapons Srilanka used to flush out the LTTE were procured from China. Even if China were to make a dramatic move like what the US did when it declared war against Iraq claiming they had WMD, I don’t think the international bodies can do much apart from churning out verbal and written statements deploring the act.
What is happening here is that we Indians are at the brink of being taken over by a nation which is both militarily and economically stronger than us. What can we do to stop this?
The only way I see out of this is ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’. i.e., collaborate instead of compete. We’ll need to increase our diplomatic and political ties with China. Commerce between the two countries needs to increase dramatically. We need to gel ourselves with China such that we are seen as a joint force, however we should maintain our identity as Indians and not allow ourselves to be overshadowed. By becoming a dominant and indispensable political and commercial ally of China, they will not want to destabilize India as it would hurt their own interest. India can also reap rich dividends by getting exclusive entry into the Chinese markets.
I was deeply shocked by the statement that the Chinese government had issued in response to our Prime Minister’s visit to Arunachal Pradesh. They seem to be deeply disturbed by the fact that a senior government official is visiting an area which they claim is theirs. They call it ‘disputed area’.
Arunachal Pradesh has always been an integral part of India. The turnout of 71% during the elections emphasizes the fact that the people living there think so too. China has no business there. They already seem to have some parts of Kashmir, some after Indo-China war and some were apparently gifted by Pakistan. How can somebody gift anything to someone which does not actually belong to them is beyond my comprehension, but for now I am not going to get into the Kashmir issue.
Our skirmishes with China have not been very successful. In fact we have never won a war with China. The key reason to why we lost the 1st war is generally attributed to our lack of readiness and sophistication to fight at such altitudes. Even today, China is far more superior to India militarily both in terms of quantity and quality. Our chief Air Marshal had openly stated that the capability of the Indian Air Force is far less compared to their Chinese counterparts. The Chinese are not only formidable in terms of their military but also made themselves a force to recon with in the world’s economic affairs. They are the holders of the highest amount of US dollars as ForEx reserves. While India seems to be grappling to meet the deadlines of the Common Wealth Games, China hosted the Olympic Games and left the whole world awestruck admiring the opulence they displayed. China now seems to be aggressively encroaching into the IT outsourcing business that we Indians so closely hold to our hearts.
I browsed a little on the logic behind China’s claim on Arunachal Pradesh. During the pre colonization era, the land was primarily a part of the Tibetan kingdom and some of it was with Bhutan. However, it had strong associations with the then fragmented India. This land seems to have been mentioned even in the scriptures of Maha Bharat.
After the British colonized India and united them, Arunachal Pradesh was kept as a part of India. China considers Tibet a part of their country. So as Arunachal Pradesh was pre historically a part to Tibet they do not honor the British boundaries drawn between India and China. China and India went to war over this land briefly during which China had taken over our state, but after negotiations China ceded most part of the occupied land back to India.
Recently I had read this article about the views of a man considered a Chinese Think Tank. He proposed that China should instigate religious violence between Indians and create political instability by funding naxalites and other political extremists to destabilize and fragment the country so as to establish Chinese dominance over India.
China has strong political and economic ties with Pakistan. Now they are expanding their sphere of influence to Srilanka. Most of the weapons Srilanka used to flush out the LTTE were procured from China. Even if China were to make a dramatic move like what the US did when it declared war against Iraq claiming they had WMD, I don’t think the international bodies can do much apart from churning out verbal and written statements deploring the act.
What is happening here is that we Indians are at the brink of being taken over by a nation which is both militarily and economically stronger than us. What can we do to stop this?
The only way I see out of this is ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’. i.e., collaborate instead of compete. We’ll need to increase our diplomatic and political ties with China. Commerce between the two countries needs to increase dramatically. We need to gel ourselves with China such that we are seen as a joint force, however we should maintain our identity as Indians and not allow ourselves to be overshadowed. By becoming a dominant and indispensable political and commercial ally of China, they will not want to destabilize India as it would hurt their own interest. India can also reap rich dividends by getting exclusive entry into the Chinese markets.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Learned my first song on the guitar
“Papa kehethe hai…” has become the 1st song that I have managed to play on the guitar. While I haven’t yet learned the lyrics, I am quiet confident of playing the tune strumming pattern that sets the tune for it.
I am pretty happy with this humble achievement. This feat gives me the courage and drive that I need to continue learning to play this instrument.
My fingers always remind me of the excruciating pain I felt when the guitar strings initially used to pierce into my then sensitive skin. These two months have made them so hard that I hardly feel anything on the tips of my left hand now. I had willingly decided to part with my hyper sensitive finger tips which used to convey the minute details of the texture and form of the surface that I just grazed through a with ticklish feeling. The sensitive skin on my worthy left hand finer tips have given way to layers to hard dead skin with dips resembling that of the strings in a guitar and now have a high threshold to any kind of sensation. I knew this was a sacrifice I had to make. The death of all the skin cells covering my finger tips can only be justified by the output of my efforts. Thus, it makes my feat today a landmark achievement. There are many more milestones that need to be crossed. Let the songs I play be the cenotaph for the sacrifices made by my finger tips.
I am pretty happy with this humble achievement. This feat gives me the courage and drive that I need to continue learning to play this instrument.
My fingers always remind me of the excruciating pain I felt when the guitar strings initially used to pierce into my then sensitive skin. These two months have made them so hard that I hardly feel anything on the tips of my left hand now. I had willingly decided to part with my hyper sensitive finger tips which used to convey the minute details of the texture and form of the surface that I just grazed through a with ticklish feeling. The sensitive skin on my worthy left hand finer tips have given way to layers to hard dead skin with dips resembling that of the strings in a guitar and now have a high threshold to any kind of sensation. I knew this was a sacrifice I had to make. The death of all the skin cells covering my finger tips can only be justified by the output of my efforts. Thus, it makes my feat today a landmark achievement. There are many more milestones that need to be crossed. Let the songs I play be the cenotaph for the sacrifices made by my finger tips.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Is Obama noble enough for Nobel?
The Nobel Peace Prize has come under a lot of fire after they announced Obama as this year’s winner. While there are people who have hailed the decision there are some who have questioned the basis on which the peace prize is given.
I do not know Alfred Nobel’s will verbatim, but I guess what he wanted was to recognize the efforts of an individual for his contributions and achievements in reduction of standing armies between two or more nations and promotion of nonviolence.
Mr. Obama has been in office for about 9 months now and his nomination for the prize came just 2 weeks after he got elected. While Obama’s nominees would have spent decades of their lives for the cause of nonviolence, Obama has just about made his intentions clear about what he wants to do. He has been seen as a symbol of change from the notoriety associated with Bush’s regime. With his speech in the Middle-East, he intended to reposition the U.S as a nation which believed in collaboration and has urged against orchestration of all Muslim’s as terrorists. All these are intends and not actions. The actions and outcomes of Obama’s administration are largely ‘WIP’. The speeches cannot be counted as achievement and if that may be the case then most of our politician’s would be Nobel Laureates. As someone had rightly mentioned, this is like giving the Best Picture Award for a film which is still in the making. The award stands in stark irony of Gandhi being denied the award in spite of being nominated 5 times. This award risks the credibility of the Nobel Peace Price and its judges.
While Obama has himself accepted that he didn’t deserve the award, he was stopped short of refusing to take the award. He should have appealed to be re nominated after he’d got the chance to convert his intentions to action. Though this would have invoked the ire of the Nobel jury, this act would have been globally appreciated and elevated his standing in the minds of people world over.
I feel that this award was more of a political move than a prize recognizing achievements. Obama’s administration will have to think real hard about they would want to deal with other nations. Now the Obama’s intend of increasing the number of troops will fall under the microscope. Each fallen U.S soldier will be like nuclear fuel for the critics and the media. Issues in Iraq, Iran and North Korea cannot be swept under the carpet. Though Obama said that he intends to close Guantanamo Bay, the words are yet to be realized into actions.
This award is a political move well thought off by 5 Norwegian judges who did their part to ensure that U.S’s actions from now on should be towards promoting peace and not indulge in mindless skirmishes to fulfill their selfish needs. Hence, though this award does no justice to the achievements, it will definitely help in instilling peace in the coming years of Obama’s regime.
I do not know Alfred Nobel’s will verbatim, but I guess what he wanted was to recognize the efforts of an individual for his contributions and achievements in reduction of standing armies between two or more nations and promotion of nonviolence.
Mr. Obama has been in office for about 9 months now and his nomination for the prize came just 2 weeks after he got elected. While Obama’s nominees would have spent decades of their lives for the cause of nonviolence, Obama has just about made his intentions clear about what he wants to do. He has been seen as a symbol of change from the notoriety associated with Bush’s regime. With his speech in the Middle-East, he intended to reposition the U.S as a nation which believed in collaboration and has urged against orchestration of all Muslim’s as terrorists. All these are intends and not actions. The actions and outcomes of Obama’s administration are largely ‘WIP’. The speeches cannot be counted as achievement and if that may be the case then most of our politician’s would be Nobel Laureates. As someone had rightly mentioned, this is like giving the Best Picture Award for a film which is still in the making. The award stands in stark irony of Gandhi being denied the award in spite of being nominated 5 times. This award risks the credibility of the Nobel Peace Price and its judges.
While Obama has himself accepted that he didn’t deserve the award, he was stopped short of refusing to take the award. He should have appealed to be re nominated after he’d got the chance to convert his intentions to action. Though this would have invoked the ire of the Nobel jury, this act would have been globally appreciated and elevated his standing in the minds of people world over.
I feel that this award was more of a political move than a prize recognizing achievements. Obama’s administration will have to think real hard about they would want to deal with other nations. Now the Obama’s intend of increasing the number of troops will fall under the microscope. Each fallen U.S soldier will be like nuclear fuel for the critics and the media. Issues in Iraq, Iran and North Korea cannot be swept under the carpet. Though Obama said that he intends to close Guantanamo Bay, the words are yet to be realized into actions.
This award is a political move well thought off by 5 Norwegian judges who did their part to ensure that U.S’s actions from now on should be towards promoting peace and not indulge in mindless skirmishes to fulfill their selfish needs. Hence, though this award does no justice to the achievements, it will definitely help in instilling peace in the coming years of Obama’s regime.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Visiting the Golden Temple
All of us including the little Arav made a trip to a temple which is known as the Golden Temple. I had my doubts on whether the whole temple was actually made of gold or was it painted so to give its name. The elaborate security arrangements at the entrance of the temple complex added some credibility to the claim. This place was unlike any of the temples that I have been to before. The temple complex shaped like a star covered a vast amount of area. The whole place was kept clean with no banana peels or empty plastic bottles lying around. The way to the temple was through a star shaped pathway that spanned across the complex which was surrounded by beautiful gardens dotted with beautiful fountains. They even had an artificial waterfalls set up. Refreshment and souvenir counters were strategically placed to attract maximum clients. The temple was a sight to behold. It was surrounded by a pool which was littered with coins, currency notes and bangles in spite of posters which tell them specifically not to do so. The light from the afternoon sun was gleaming off the gold which covered the temple. The huge chandeliers inside the temple with added to the bling. The deity could be clearly seen in the inner sanctum sanctorum of the temple lit by all the gold surrounding it. In fact the deity was the only structure which wasn’t gold. I tried to concentrate and capture a mental picture of the sight as no cameras were allowed inside.
It made me wonder the reasons behind making this temple. Were the intentions purely to serve god or was it a marketing idea to create an USP for the temple there by attracting audience.
Intentions being godly I mean, the temple being constructed this way in gold so as to appease some gods or such a construction would attract positive energy and disperse it to its visitors. Priority is given to the gods. The healing powers or the mythological legend make people flock the place.
The other intention is making it unique to attract the maximum number of people. Such a land mark construction will increase the value of the surrounding land and there by support business development and increase revenues. Priority is given to the attractiveness to get more people to flock the place.
I don’t disapprove of whatever it might be of the two as it finally comes down to the target audiences which are us mortals and not gods. Some come for the powers they believe the temple wields. Some come to get mental peace and some visit from just a tourist point of view. So there are ‘believers in the power of the temple’, ‘People coming to mental peace irrespective to the god in place’ and ‘the tourists’. I think the objective of the temple would be to convert the tourists to people getting mental peace or believers of the power of the temple, who would intern attract more people and so on.
As for me, I’ll put myself in the tourist stage. I liked the place. These was no instance of hard selling of the temples services at any point of time, just cartful walkthroughs and displays to kindle your wants. The ambience was pleasant; though I would not call that was being mentally refreshed. The golden temple looked like how they show heaven on TV. The only thing missing were the clouds. It did pray but the temple didn’t make me a believer of that deity.
In all it was a pleasant trip for the whole family and the 1st temple darshan for my lil’ nephew. Hari Om…
It made me wonder the reasons behind making this temple. Were the intentions purely to serve god or was it a marketing idea to create an USP for the temple there by attracting audience.
Intentions being godly I mean, the temple being constructed this way in gold so as to appease some gods or such a construction would attract positive energy and disperse it to its visitors. Priority is given to the gods. The healing powers or the mythological legend make people flock the place.
The other intention is making it unique to attract the maximum number of people. Such a land mark construction will increase the value of the surrounding land and there by support business development and increase revenues. Priority is given to the attractiveness to get more people to flock the place.
I don’t disapprove of whatever it might be of the two as it finally comes down to the target audiences which are us mortals and not gods. Some come for the powers they believe the temple wields. Some come to get mental peace and some visit from just a tourist point of view. So there are ‘believers in the power of the temple’, ‘People coming to mental peace irrespective to the god in place’ and ‘the tourists’. I think the objective of the temple would be to convert the tourists to people getting mental peace or believers of the power of the temple, who would intern attract more people and so on.
As for me, I’ll put myself in the tourist stage. I liked the place. These was no instance of hard selling of the temples services at any point of time, just cartful walkthroughs and displays to kindle your wants. The ambience was pleasant; though I would not call that was being mentally refreshed. The golden temple looked like how they show heaven on TV. The only thing missing were the clouds. It did pray but the temple didn’t make me a believer of that deity.
In all it was a pleasant trip for the whole family and the 1st temple darshan for my lil’ nephew. Hari Om…
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Achan Amma back to Pondy
I have been missing my parents the whole week because of the fact that Amma is in the same city and I haven’t been able to see her and relish her delicacies. Amma said she would like to stay with me for some time, but I am sure that if she won’t like it. My cold demeanor will soon get the best of her. Achan and I share a very silent bond with each other. We don’t express what we feel about each other but somehow acknowledge that we got each others back, at least that’s what I intend to express. I guess there is too much testosterone between us to make room for emotions.
Amma and Achan will leave for Pondy tomorrow. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to spend much time with them while they were here. Now that Achan is transferred back to Pondy, I am sure they’ll have a chilled out time together.
Life was come a full cycle for them. They got married, chilled out together for some time. Then they got us two, raised us and sent us flying our own ways. Now, they are back together chilling out. I am really happy for them. Chetan and Chechi have begun their cycle with little Arav now. I am not sure I’ll ever feel mature enough to take this epic journey.
I haven’t been able to do anything significant for Achan and Amma so I have tried my best to at least not lean on them anymore. I’ll have to aim for a significant jump in my earnings then may be contribute for the new Kerala home or a holiday outside. I have my targets set and course charted, I just need to take off now.
Will be there, will do that.
Amma and Achan will leave for Pondy tomorrow. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to spend much time with them while they were here. Now that Achan is transferred back to Pondy, I am sure they’ll have a chilled out time together.
Life was come a full cycle for them. They got married, chilled out together for some time. Then they got us two, raised us and sent us flying our own ways. Now, they are back together chilling out. I am really happy for them. Chetan and Chechi have begun their cycle with little Arav now. I am not sure I’ll ever feel mature enough to take this epic journey.
I haven’t been able to do anything significant for Achan and Amma so I have tried my best to at least not lean on them anymore. I’ll have to aim for a significant jump in my earnings then may be contribute for the new Kerala home or a holiday outside. I have my targets set and course charted, I just need to take off now.
Will be there, will do that.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
New world
Saw the film ‘Wake up Sid’ yesterday. The irony is that I had a hard time waking up today after coming back from last night’s show. The movie has a woman coming to Mumbai to make her career. Though she is completely new to the city, has no job at hand and doesn’t know anybody, she isn’t afraid. She is overjoyed that she has got a fresh start, appreciates what she sees in the city and looks forward to the opportunities that it would present.
I’ll be leaving my country for the first time all alone with no job at hand. This shouldn’t scare me. I made the decision to go because of the opportunities it would present. I must value the opportunities that this foreign land would present. Not knowing anyone is just what’s needed to start afresh. It will also help me realize the value of things I have now and take for granted; my family, job, friends, my countrymen. I will not be afraid. I need to be looking forward to the all the new people, places and experiences that will come to me to become an integral part of my life.
I’ll be leaving my country for the first time all alone with no job at hand. This shouldn’t scare me. I made the decision to go because of the opportunities it would present. I must value the opportunities that this foreign land would present. Not knowing anyone is just what’s needed to start afresh. It will also help me realize the value of things I have now and take for granted; my family, job, friends, my countrymen. I will not be afraid. I need to be looking forward to the all the new people, places and experiences that will come to me to become an integral part of my life.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Push…
I can’t think of anything that I should write about, but I have taken a resolution to continue with the routine of waking up early and maintaining a journal for a month at the very least. As Achan quotes from ‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’, it takes 21days to make anything a habit. It’s just been a few days now and I am already thinking of excuses. I wanted to read too, to expand my outlook and vocabulary. I should try to accommodate both during these morning hours. It’s during these instances that I feel like I am pushing myself too far, but I need to understand that there is nothing Herculean about what I am dong right now, its all in my mind, everything is achievable if you put your mind to it.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I got my first real 6 string
I got my first real 6 string yesterday. I always wanted to play the drums but had to settle for the guitar due to practical reasons. It’s been one month since I have been strumming on Maddy’s guitar and I felt ready to own one of my own. I am headstrong about learning to play this instrument. I have seen so many of my friends jumping into learning this with full gusto but ultimately give up. So now I know what I’ll be facing. This inspires me even further to tame this dragon as it’s portrayed to be and make it my friend.
Learning an instrument is tough. It needs the same amount of determination, willpower and effort as you would need to bring out a 6 or 4 pack abs. People always start with great vigor and enthusiasm, spending long hours and bragging about how long they have been practicing. After some time, which is typically 2 months, the time spent learning gradually reduces and they start blaming everything around them (usually work) due to which they have to skip practice. By the end of this phase you start questioning the reasons behind taking up this initiative. You start piling up reasons on why you shouldn’t be playing the guitar. Some of them being:
You are a left hander you are not meant to play a right handed guitar.
Your fingers are too small and lack strength.
Your mind is not tuned to play the guitar; you wanted to learn drums, why do you have to strain your brain like this.
You are too old to learn. And so on…
All you need to do while having these thoughts is that understand you are not the only one who has had to face this kind of situation. There might be millions who are/were going through the same phase and majority of them dropped out. But you should realize that even Slash or A.R Rahman went through the exact same phase. The difference was that they carried on no matter what. You should stand firm on your reason to play the guitar whoever trivial and invalid it may eventually seem to be. That’s exactly how Slash became Slash. The easy part is that there is no pressure on you to be as good as Slash, so you are under a more conducive atmosphere to learn than him. You just need to remember that once you across these 3-4 months practicing; you can look back and say I never gave up no matter how bad I am at it and this willpower takes me a cut above the rest makes me a better individual.
Learning an instrument is tough. It needs the same amount of determination, willpower and effort as you would need to bring out a 6 or 4 pack abs. People always start with great vigor and enthusiasm, spending long hours and bragging about how long they have been practicing. After some time, which is typically 2 months, the time spent learning gradually reduces and they start blaming everything around them (usually work) due to which they have to skip practice. By the end of this phase you start questioning the reasons behind taking up this initiative. You start piling up reasons on why you shouldn’t be playing the guitar. Some of them being:
You are a left hander you are not meant to play a right handed guitar.
Your fingers are too small and lack strength.
Your mind is not tuned to play the guitar; you wanted to learn drums, why do you have to strain your brain like this.
You are too old to learn. And so on…
All you need to do while having these thoughts is that understand you are not the only one who has had to face this kind of situation. There might be millions who are/were going through the same phase and majority of them dropped out. But you should realize that even Slash or A.R Rahman went through the exact same phase. The difference was that they carried on no matter what. You should stand firm on your reason to play the guitar whoever trivial and invalid it may eventually seem to be. That’s exactly how Slash became Slash. The easy part is that there is no pressure on you to be as good as Slash, so you are under a more conducive atmosphere to learn than him. You just need to remember that once you across these 3-4 months practicing; you can look back and say I never gave up no matter how bad I am at it and this willpower takes me a cut above the rest makes me a better individual.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The house and the jury
The flipside of writing everyday is that the entries look like a log book about what I did or am planning to do that day. When I write occasionally, I try to put down those thoughts that have been lingering time and again. These thoughts would have gone through several rounds of deliberation and debate. I visualize several scenarios of discussion forms, where I have my imaginary people discussing for and against a topic. It’s like playing chess with oneself. Whatever you do, you can’t hide your strategy from your opponent and you always know what the opponent is up to. I have hardly played chess, but I guess a game like this can only end up in a stalemate unless you become partial to one side and ‘rig’ the game to your supporting side’s favor.
Debating with yourself is different because here you are not always thinking about winning or taking sides. Even if you are, you’ll always give your best shot to counter the point that you are in favor of. This way you’ll have to think of better reasons to validate your support to a particular side and it will go on until one side is out of counter arguments. This way the final verdict make you more confident on why you have taken a particular stand and your conscience fully support your actions based on your stance.
However, the system is not as impartial as it seems to be. You can bribe the opposing team into turning the decision into your favor and put it in such a way that your conscience, ‘the jury’, let’s it pass.
Let me give a simple scenario:
12.50 P.M: I need to wake up at 6 A.M today and practice guitar and finish my journal.
6.00 A.M:
Side A: Wake up; you have to finish what you have planned for yesterday.
Side B: But I slept late last night, I feel so tired
Side A: This is just laziness talking, once you get up you’ll get over it.
Side B: I played the guitar last night and I can always practice once I reach home from office. I’ll finish my work and leave office early. This way I’ll also have time to finish my journal tonight with fresh thoughts.
Side A: But what about your resolution to wake up early everyday?
Side B: Relax, can’t you feel the cold morning breeze, this is the perfect time to bury yourself in that soft pillow and sleep. The body needs adequate sleep too. But I agree with you, I do need to wake up early. So from tomorrow onwards I’ll sleep early so that waking up won’t be such a bitch. To make things fair, I’ll sleep now and reset the alarm to 7 A.M and we can have the same discussion again to see if there needs to be a change of plan.
Side B: ok…
Conscience verdict: Yeah, I think he is right, the body needs sleep to and we are anyways having another round of discussion at 7 A.M. Sleep now.
Debating with yourself is different because here you are not always thinking about winning or taking sides. Even if you are, you’ll always give your best shot to counter the point that you are in favor of. This way you’ll have to think of better reasons to validate your support to a particular side and it will go on until one side is out of counter arguments. This way the final verdict make you more confident on why you have taken a particular stand and your conscience fully support your actions based on your stance.
However, the system is not as impartial as it seems to be. You can bribe the opposing team into turning the decision into your favor and put it in such a way that your conscience, ‘the jury’, let’s it pass.
Let me give a simple scenario:
12.50 P.M: I need to wake up at 6 A.M today and practice guitar and finish my journal.
6.00 A.M:
Side A: Wake up; you have to finish what you have planned for yesterday.
Side B: But I slept late last night, I feel so tired
Side A: This is just laziness talking, once you get up you’ll get over it.
Side B: I played the guitar last night and I can always practice once I reach home from office. I’ll finish my work and leave office early. This way I’ll also have time to finish my journal tonight with fresh thoughts.
Side A: But what about your resolution to wake up early everyday?
Side B: Relax, can’t you feel the cold morning breeze, this is the perfect time to bury yourself in that soft pillow and sleep. The body needs adequate sleep too. But I agree with you, I do need to wake up early. So from tomorrow onwards I’ll sleep early so that waking up won’t be such a bitch. To make things fair, I’ll sleep now and reset the alarm to 7 A.M and we can have the same discussion again to see if there needs to be a change of plan.
Side B: ok…
Conscience verdict: Yeah, I think he is right, the body needs sleep to and we are anyways having another round of discussion at 7 A.M. Sleep now.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The force within
I wanted to write but for quite some time it’s just been a thought. My drive to write took a hit when I realized that the destination that I so passionately pursue didn’t really exist. My state of mind could be equated to the day one realizes Superman doesn’t really exist. With all the stories, articles and pictures you always hoped in the back of your mind that you could understand something the others don’t and one day Superman is going to land right in front of those who scorned you. One day it hits you that he is just a figment of imagination created by the writers of Marvel comics. All your hopes of flying through the clouds and chasing out evil monsters come crashing down. You are never going to say those lines you memorized rigorously when you thought you’ll meet Superman for the first time. The person who made you think that you had the potential to take on the universe didn’t exist. It breaks your heart.
Then as time goes by you move on to the normal existence where limits are set to possibilities. There is still a thin thread of hope lingering inside you that you just can’t manage to break off, so all you can do is disregard it and carry on. With passing time you try to make sense of why it’s still holding on and then try to understand that it stands for.
Superman exists, but not like that we thought he would. He is a representation of the infinite potential that one possesses once one truly believes in himself. His stories and adventures are just personifications of the evils that battle every individual in his life. When he soars the skies through galaxies he makes you understand that there is so much out there than what we see now and that our possibilities are infinite.
I can still fly through clouds and fight evil monsters; I just need to change my viewpoint on the existence of Superman. I shouldn’t restrict myself to thinking about Superman as a physical form rather base my trust on his philosophy. This way I am in control of my drive. Never depend on others to motivate you, look into yourself and you’ll find a lot of things you have done that can fire you up.
“Impossible is Nothing”
Then as time goes by you move on to the normal existence where limits are set to possibilities. There is still a thin thread of hope lingering inside you that you just can’t manage to break off, so all you can do is disregard it and carry on. With passing time you try to make sense of why it’s still holding on and then try to understand that it stands for.
Superman exists, but not like that we thought he would. He is a representation of the infinite potential that one possesses once one truly believes in himself. His stories and adventures are just personifications of the evils that battle every individual in his life. When he soars the skies through galaxies he makes you understand that there is so much out there than what we see now and that our possibilities are infinite.
I can still fly through clouds and fight evil monsters; I just need to change my viewpoint on the existence of Superman. I shouldn’t restrict myself to thinking about Superman as a physical form rather base my trust on his philosophy. This way I am in control of my drive. Never depend on others to motivate you, look into yourself and you’ll find a lot of things you have done that can fire you up.
“Impossible is Nothing”
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fuzzy abstract thoughts on information exchange
The way in which my brother and I could relate to each other in our own way always amazed me. The vibes we give out are somehow translated and discreetly or unknowingly acknowledged by each other. We both know each others moves, but at the same time we also acknowledge that we can be unpredictable due to the very fact that we know that each of us know what we are about to do next.
It surprised me when I saw that my brother decided to blog just 2-3 weeks after I started blogging. He unlike me was eager to showcase his thoughts to all and getting their feedback. All his entries conveyed something strong and thoughtful, yet simple effortless for the reader. (http://sabith.wordpress.com/)
I attempted to super impose the Johari Window model to articulate the information exchange between my brother and me which is something like:
I know; bro knows
I know; bro don’t know
I don’t know; bro know
I don’t know; bro don’t know
But this didn’t make sense as I am not aware of what I don’t know which make the 3rd and 4th points irrelevant.
The information exchange in my case follows a lot more complex path with a lot of additional conditions.
For instance, I feel that there is a part of me which I haven’t yet exposed to him, but I know that he knows I have not shown him something and has an idea of what I am capable of. He doesn’t push me to expose that part to me because he knows that it would be futile. There are also times when I explicitly don’t give out information that I want to share with him, rather lead him to it indirectly.
Now, when you come right down to it, I have kept this space under wraps because I am not yet ready to expose this facet of myself. At this point of time I am simply not ready to be judged.
Right now I write this as an outlet to my mind, which until now was reveling in the thought that it found a person who can read it all without a word being said. My streams of thought always found the ocean. It's just that the streams now take a different path, but it will definitely fuse with the ocean..
It surprised me when I saw that my brother decided to blog just 2-3 weeks after I started blogging. He unlike me was eager to showcase his thoughts to all and getting their feedback. All his entries conveyed something strong and thoughtful, yet simple effortless for the reader. (http://sabith.wordpress.com/)
I attempted to super impose the Johari Window model to articulate the information exchange between my brother and me which is something like:
I know; bro knows
I know; bro don’t know
I don’t know; bro know
I don’t know; bro don’t know
But this didn’t make sense as I am not aware of what I don’t know which make the 3rd and 4th points irrelevant.
The information exchange in my case follows a lot more complex path with a lot of additional conditions.
For instance, I feel that there is a part of me which I haven’t yet exposed to him, but I know that he knows I have not shown him something and has an idea of what I am capable of. He doesn’t push me to expose that part to me because he knows that it would be futile. There are also times when I explicitly don’t give out information that I want to share with him, rather lead him to it indirectly.
Now, when you come right down to it, I have kept this space under wraps because I am not yet ready to expose this facet of myself. At this point of time I am simply not ready to be judged.
Right now I write this as an outlet to my mind, which until now was reveling in the thought that it found a person who can read it all without a word being said. My streams of thought always found the ocean. It's just that the streams now take a different path, but it will definitely fuse with the ocean..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Worth
This is a forward I got. Reading this, I felt like this was actually reaching out to me giving me the boost that I have been yearning for..I feel good everytime I read this...
WORTH
Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it.Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away." "The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.
Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.
"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier. "What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, "but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say....
"Jim...I knew you'd come."
MORAL
Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it.
Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........
WORTH
Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it.Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away." "The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.
Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.
"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier. "What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, "but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say....
"Jim...I knew you'd come."
MORAL
Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it.
Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........
Sunday, June 21, 2009
1 or 2 alone is sufficient; both are required; data insufficient
I have come to realize that I haven’t joked about anything with my family for a long time. Some mildly witty one-liners or sarcasm is all that I have shared with family. I am known as the quiet guy to my family and all who know me through my family members. If I were to look at me as one of my family members, I am not a person who makes funny imitations, crack jokes and laugh hard, talk or act silly, talk endlessly, spontaneous, kiss hug or cry when I feel happy or sad. I am this quiet observant person, who can also have conversations by just uttering “aaaa” or “ooooo”. In fact some sense of awkwardness creeps in when I am in situations where I am required to express myself emotionally.
On the flipside I am the quiet opposite of all this to people outside my family, may be not the kissing or crying part but otherwise I am not seen as a ‘closed to myself’ kind of guy at all.
I want to be that kind of guy with family too, but during the moment of reality, I go inside my shell. The ‘funny me’ has only been momentarily released when I am high. When high, I have been funny, argued, even engaged in fairly lengthy debates and conversations with my dad with whom my average conversation time is under 20 seconds.
So what can I conclude? Am I actually a warm guy putting on a ‘closed guy’ mask or the other way round? Or I actually have 2 personalities which are both real?
My family is cool about me and accepts me for what I am to them i.e. the ‘serious guy’. But am I forced to be like that because that’s how they expect me to behave because that’s the only way they have seen me? If I am any different, they’ll think I am trying to be someone else and not being myself or real. The only instance they can accept me being the ‘funny guy’ is when I am high, under this mask I can always attribute my behavior to me being high.
The situation gets a bit complicated when I am in the company of one or more of my family members and the other people who know me. I can’t act out both roles at the same time and I got to make a choice where I most often choose the ‘serious guy’. My family won’t find anything out of place but others notice the disturbance in the ‘force’. I let them assume this change being mainly due to my respect to my folks. These situations are often very strenuous on me and I sometimes tend to leave an uncomfortable vibe with my family member/s.
I don’t want to wear the ‘serious guy’ mask. I am the youngest and I have outmost respect to all in my family but I want the courage to ask for a hug when I am filled with joy or sorrow, I wanna be silly and jump around crazy like I do outside. I wanna talk about nothing to my dad for at least 10 minutes. I don’t want to feel awkward doing all this, not with my very own blood.
There was a time when I was in love, when I started caring less about projecting my ‘serious guy’ image, crackling and feeling less awkward to do what I feel like with my kin. If I can express myself to the girl I love, I most definitely can do the same with family. The chemicals released during this point of time must have been similar to the ones released when I am high…hehe..
I don’t care if I am actually the ‘serious guy’ my family knows and just posing as a warm guy to the world. What I want is to show my heart to my loved ones, mask or no mask.
On the flipside I am the quiet opposite of all this to people outside my family, may be not the kissing or crying part but otherwise I am not seen as a ‘closed to myself’ kind of guy at all.
I want to be that kind of guy with family too, but during the moment of reality, I go inside my shell. The ‘funny me’ has only been momentarily released when I am high. When high, I have been funny, argued, even engaged in fairly lengthy debates and conversations with my dad with whom my average conversation time is under 20 seconds.
So what can I conclude? Am I actually a warm guy putting on a ‘closed guy’ mask or the other way round? Or I actually have 2 personalities which are both real?
My family is cool about me and accepts me for what I am to them i.e. the ‘serious guy’. But am I forced to be like that because that’s how they expect me to behave because that’s the only way they have seen me? If I am any different, they’ll think I am trying to be someone else and not being myself or real. The only instance they can accept me being the ‘funny guy’ is when I am high, under this mask I can always attribute my behavior to me being high.
The situation gets a bit complicated when I am in the company of one or more of my family members and the other people who know me. I can’t act out both roles at the same time and I got to make a choice where I most often choose the ‘serious guy’. My family won’t find anything out of place but others notice the disturbance in the ‘force’. I let them assume this change being mainly due to my respect to my folks. These situations are often very strenuous on me and I sometimes tend to leave an uncomfortable vibe with my family member/s.
I don’t want to wear the ‘serious guy’ mask. I am the youngest and I have outmost respect to all in my family but I want the courage to ask for a hug when I am filled with joy or sorrow, I wanna be silly and jump around crazy like I do outside. I wanna talk about nothing to my dad for at least 10 minutes. I don’t want to feel awkward doing all this, not with my very own blood.
There was a time when I was in love, when I started caring less about projecting my ‘serious guy’ image, crackling and feeling less awkward to do what I feel like with my kin. If I can express myself to the girl I love, I most definitely can do the same with family. The chemicals released during this point of time must have been similar to the ones released when I am high…hehe..
I don’t care if I am actually the ‘serious guy’ my family knows and just posing as a warm guy to the world. What I want is to show my heart to my loved ones, mask or no mask.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Spell check evader specialist
Putting your thoughts into words is a gift in itself and I have somehow been conned off this gift. There are times when I write something completely different from what’s in my mind. I am very bad with spellings but it so happens that these words which have nothing to do with what I intend to write come out with perfect spellings, thus evading the spell-check system, a system which I for me holds a position only next to the entry of man into space. What makes it worse is that I almost always identify the error after I have pressed the sent/submit button. Even if I double check what I have written, the blunders hide themselves as if they get some sadistic pleasure seeing the dumb agony of my face after they unveil themselves after the irreversible sequence of sending/submitting is completed. I sit wanting to scream out loud to the people who are about to read it saying it wasn’t me, my keyboard has got a problem. I am not that bad as you think I am in sentence formations. boohoo…
In my last post I wrote:
“…I enjoyed it, now I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind…”
I actually meant
“…I enjoyed it, but I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind…”
I am not going to publish all the instances; I am not in a confession chamber. When I submit this, I might again have to glare at those creepy words or phrases smirk at me, but I feel better now. I have somehow managed to put the blame on unknown evil powers working against me than admit my incompetence. Hehe aaah feels so good.
In my last post I wrote:
“…I enjoyed it, now I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind…”
I actually meant
“…I enjoyed it, but I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind…”
I am not going to publish all the instances; I am not in a confession chamber. When I submit this, I might again have to glare at those creepy words or phrases smirk at me, but I feel better now. I have somehow managed to put the blame on unknown evil powers working against me than admit my incompetence. Hehe aaah feels so good.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
"Dying In The Sun"
Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday
How could I let things
Get to me so bad?
How did I let things get to me?
Like dying in the sun
I never understood the meaning of this song. It actually sounded very absurd. My logical senses kicked in. What’s 'dying in the sun'? You are sweating already and then you die? or its bad enough that you are not under the shade of cool trees or chilling in your air conditioned room, now you are dying too?? I was made to understand the view point of this song. It was beautiful. I enjoyed it, now I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind to the full spectrum of the meaning in the lines. I read these lines today and tada! I saw it. I was surprised, it was as if the words decided to open themselves and made me experience what the lines wanted to convey. Ignorance might be bliss but enlightenment is euphoric…
Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday
How could I let things
Get to me so bad?
How did I let things get to me?
Like dying in the sun
I never understood the meaning of this song. It actually sounded very absurd. My logical senses kicked in. What’s 'dying in the sun'? You are sweating already and then you die? or its bad enough that you are not under the shade of cool trees or chilling in your air conditioned room, now you are dying too?? I was made to understand the view point of this song. It was beautiful. I enjoyed it, now I now realize that though I appreciated it, I was blind to the full spectrum of the meaning in the lines. I read these lines today and tada! I saw it. I was surprised, it was as if the words decided to open themselves and made me experience what the lines wanted to convey. Ignorance might be bliss but enlightenment is euphoric…
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The green fairy
Addiction...
You brought me cheers when I was feeling down
Clinging on like we were never to be departed
We partied hard and shook up the town
Getting so high, which until now seemed uncharted
Your very presence makes my heart pound
Luring me to indulge till my senses go numb
Your taste sets fireworks and whirls me around
Logic losing to irrationality, to which I willfully succumb
What happened to you, why have you changed?
Don’t you now see the dreams we exchanged
You left and now I want you more
This craving is hard to just ignore
Why can't you share just a little bit of you
Without you I just feel so blue
Let’s keep in touch, there are options to explore
This abstinence only makes me want you more
You brought me cheers when I was feeling down
Clinging on like we were never to be departed
We partied hard and shook up the town
Getting so high, which until now seemed uncharted
Your very presence makes my heart pound
Luring me to indulge till my senses go numb
Your taste sets fireworks and whirls me around
Logic losing to irrationality, to which I willfully succumb
What happened to you, why have you changed?
Don’t you now see the dreams we exchanged
You left and now I want you more
This craving is hard to just ignore
Why can't you share just a little bit of you
Without you I just feel so blue
Let’s keep in touch, there are options to explore
This abstinence only makes me want you more
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